Today was another day where I wasn’t honest with myself about what I could get done, and I wasn’t honest about what I wanted most.
What I wanted to do during nap:
plant my succulent cuttings
write
What I’ve committed myself to doing on Mondays, during nap:
write
But I was so excited about the plants. And even though I knew I could probably plant while my son was awake, running around in the backyard, and writing should be the first thing I do during nap…I didn’t. I did what I was excited about. And honestly, it’s also what was easier in the moment. It was so nice to be outside, alone.
So when I finished my planting, then took a 10-minute “break” on Facebook before starting my writing…my son woke up 45 minutes early from nap with a diaper emergency.
And I instantly feel guilty about how I’ve squandered my time.
All that guilt does is discount just how much joy those plants are bringing me today. There are a lot of things that bring joy to me because beauty is so important to me. Things like plants, the perfect rug with the perfect wall color, a perfect line of topstitching. But these are things that I’ve labeled as superficial. Things that don’t count. And writing is a hobby, not a job. So basically anything I enjoy I’ve written off as unimportant. The things that light up my heart are unimportant, therefore, maybe lighting up my heart at all is unimportant, too. So being serious and strategic about what I do with my totally unimportant, maybe squandered time, is unnecessary.
This might be one of the most well-rooted lies in my life. It’s not like a huge taproot. It’s a network of long, twisting roots and you never know where you might hit one.
To work backwards: My interests are unimportant. My unique details are unimportant. The unique details God put into my design are unimportant. God spent time on my design that was unimportant. God wasted his time.
There it is—God wasted his time. Some lies are harder to laugh at than others, but there is always a lie to find to laugh at. Let’s laugh at that! (thank you, Steve Backlund.) What a ridiculous thought! God couldn’t possibly waste his time because God is PERFECT. God is incapable of waste! God is also outside of time, so we might also say God is incapable of wasted time.
To bring that truth back to me: God’s time, efforts, and ideas are never out of place. The effort God spent on my design was exactly right and good. The unique details God put into my design are of utmost importance. My fingerprints are important, my taste buds are important, and the things that light up my heart are important.
Being serious and strategic about the things that light up my heart is a good, wise idea.
And God is so gracious. And he is good even when I make mistakes in planning and then don’t get to write. But today, my son just played by himself for twenty minutes and only interrupted me every one minute for the first ten.